Jeffrey Sparkman
Jeffrey Sparkman, RN, usually referred to as Nurse Jeffrey is the male nurse that House makes fun of in the episodes Ignorance is Bliss and The Choice. He is played by Patrick Price. Nurse Jeffrey is one of the only male nurses at Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. In Ignorance is Bliss, House exits the clinic with a patient named Dianna that he appears to have been nice to. Cuddy is surprised by this, and Nurse Jeffrey tells her that House has been in the clinic for forty-five minutes. When House bribes a patient named Ronnie to act like he's been good to so that he can impress Cuddy, he sees that Cuddy is not there. He asks Nurse Jeffrey where she is, and Nurse Jeffrey tells him that she just left to go home. House is about to go after her but then realizes he hasn't made fun of Nurse Jeffrey for being a male nurse. He asks Jeffrey if he has, and Nurse Jeffrey says that he thought this counted as House making fun of him. In The Choice, House comes in and says he woke up in the wrong bed. Jeffrey notes that any bed that House is in is the wrong bed. House replies that's now what Jeffrey's mother said. Jeffrey excuses himself to go to Human Resources. In Now What?, Cuddy is talking about her problems at the hospital with House and she mentions that Jeffrey keeps going to human resources about him. Like House, Jeffrey is a polyglot, and shows fluency in French, Spanish and German. Episodes When the House writing team made an app for the Iphone, (InHouse), they included 2-3 minutes "appisodes" of a mini series every Wednesday of Nurse Jeffrey trying to find evidence to get house in trouble, and get revenge for making fun of him. The appisodes take place shortly after the events in The Choice. Episode 1 Jeffrey is upset about human resoures response to his complaint against House. He figures they are protecting him because he brings so much money to the hospital. He coaches one of the cafeteria workers, Vincent, to say “House stole” and “he used false pretenses to acquire hospital assets” on camera to convince HR that House stole drugs or medical equipment, but what actually happened was that House was trying to scam a free Reuben sandwich. Daria, another cafeteria worker, cuts in to say that everyone knows House keeps trying to scam food from the cafeteria. Jeffrey realizes he can’t use any of the footage and tries to come up with a new plan. Episode 2 Jeffrey finds a lab technician, Angie who tells him that House came in for a rush chem panel to look for cancer when actually he was testing one of his prostitutes for an STD before the act. However, she had to admit there was an open patient file, so he can’t prove fraudulent intent. The hooker also left a false address so he can't check the story with her. Episode 3 Jeffrey speaks to Oscar Silva, a pharmaceutical technician. Jeffrey wants him to admit that House stole drugs, but Oscar says that House has never stolen drugs. If he had, either someone in the pharmacy would have had to do a ton of paperwork, or someone would have been fired for not doing the paperwork. Jeffrey is distracted by Lucina Cademas, a beautiful young switchboard operator. He asks her if House has ever stared at her breasts, and she asks him how he knew he had. Jeffrey tells her she should complain, but House had an excuse - increased breast size can indicate pregnancy. Jeffrey does some digging and finds that the previous year, House had indeed correctly diagnosed a pregnancy after looking at breasts. Episode 4 Jeffrey tracks down Juanita, who has worked at PPTH for thirty years, but won’t discuss her problems with House with anyone. Jeffrey breaks down her resistance by speaking to her in her native Spanish and giving her home-baked cookies. She begins to tell him that she once found House in the locker room taking a long shower and there were obvious signs he had recently had sex and he was masturbating. However, Jeffrey makes sure she wasn’t drunk at the time. She confirms she hasn’t had a drink in 16 years, but does mention that she often uses hash oil medicinally. Jeffrey realizes her credibility is shot. Episode 5 Jeffrey finds a technician (played by Rozie Bacchi) in the chemotherapy lounge who says House comes up there to masturbate. She shows him a “Global Geographic” magazine with naked native women and points to semen stained chair. However, Jeffrey examines the "semen" and it’s only spilled orange juice. A little investigation shows that House was just giving himself intravenous Vitamin C and just reads to pass the time. Episode 6 Jeffrey complains that doctors don’t rat out other doctors, but if they aren’t being recorded they won’t stop talking about House. He secretly tapes Dr. Hourani calling House a “smart ass egotistical cretin” but Hourani then apologizes for insulting cretins. He then starts telling about the time House screamed at someone for three minutes for flushing a stool sample. Jeffrey tries to get the doctor to tell about the time House called his wife, but the doctor sees the camera and Lisa Cuddy comes by to remind Jeffrey the hospital has a “no recording” policy. He hurriedly turns off the camera. Episode 7 Dr. Hourani comes by again and tells Jeffrey to turn off the camera. Jeffrey pretends to do so and Hourani complains that House put elephant feces in his microwave. Jeffrey admits to the camera he framed House and bought the feces himself. Hourani finally tells him about the phone calls - to get Hourani out of the operating room so he can use it himself, House has called Hourani’s wife three times with a fake voice and accuse him of cheating. Hourani gets confronted and has to cancel his surgical appointment. Jeffrey feels he finally has something he can take to HR. Episode 8 Jeffrey talks to House’s masseuse Ingrid. She says that she massages House whenever he needs it, whether its at his apartment, the office, or in her car. To try to gain her trust, he speaks to her in her native French. She thinks that Jeffrey is implying she does something improper with House in the car. She denies he is ever abusive and even if House looks at her breasts, everyone does anyway. She describes House as generous and nice. Jeffrey implies she masturbates him to orgasm, but when she figures out what he’s talking about, she says that whenever House needs that, she refers him to a friend of hers. Episode 9 Jeffrey knows James Wilson won’t talk to him, but he does manage to speak to his assistant Sandy. However, she’s reluctant to say anything bad about House because she would risk her job if she did. She admits that once, House faked a patient’s urine sample. A man who had caused an accident tested negative for all the drugs and alcohol in his car. House was sure it was a false negative and offered to re-test the urine, but instead substituted his own, which convicted the guy. Jeffrey sounds hopeful, but Sandy says he only did it to ensure the guy was taken off the road. Episode 10 Jeffrey speaks to a radiology technician (played by Keith Gerchak). He complains that House once came to him for an “emergency consult” and after three hours of looking at abnormal CT scans he finally figured House was pulling a fast one - they were cow bones. However, Jeffrey gets suspicious - House is a practical joker, but usually saves his best moves for retaliation. The technician finally admits that he once gave House films that had a smear of barbecue sauce that looked like a tumor. House almost operated on the patient until he discovered the mistake. Jeffrey sides with House on this one. Episode 11 Jeffrey is approached by Dr. Simpson. Simpson is furious - House gave his patient a drug that counters the effects of anasthetics. As a result, his patient is still awake and they can’t operate, so House stole his operating room. Jeffrey finds out the patient is German and speaks to her in her native language. The patient is from Berlin and lives just two blocks from Jeffrey’s aunt. He asks her about House, but she doesn’t remember anyone matching his description. Although Simpson has a good circumstantial case, no one saw House actually give the drugs to the patient. Episode 12 We see a man with a cane crushing a camera with his foot. With that plan gone awry. Jeffrey speaks to an orderly, but it’s clear that House probably just upset him. Jeffrey finds another orderly who tells him to turn off the camera, but Jeffrey tells him its off. He wants the orderly to come with him to House’s office so he will have a reason to be there. The orderly agrees to a $300 fee to give him one minute in House’s office. Jeffrey tries to ask him out for a drink to seal the deal. The orderly resists, thinking that Jeffrey’s making a pass at him, but finally agrees. Episode 13 Jeffrey is ecstatic that he will have one minute to look through House’s office. He goes through the trash looking for something he can use. He asks the orderly to force open House’s desk, but before he does, Jeffrey finds a vial of morphine. However, Cuddy finds them in the office and asks Jeffrey what he’s doing there. He says he’s helping the orderly, but she’s not buying it. She tells him to turn off the camera and meet her in HR. He’s given a six week suspension without pay for his various misdeeds. Official Nurse Jeffrey page on Facebook Category:Males false Category:House's Enemies